In stolen moments I reflect on all that
You have done to me, everything that has changed since the
Dark year we spent together.
I am still trying to forgive you. I would be lying if I said
Some of your words don’t still haunt me; the harsh observations you made
About my character, some of which still ring true – I jump planes and change countries,
Trying to reconcile a version of myself that fits well. It has taken years for me to
Make peace with what we did to each other. Three years later I flew to your
Country and walked down your street.
Each step strained the muscles in my leg, my hair stood on edge, my heart
Was a great chained beast, aching with the
Desire to flee. Some scars don’t heal. Time doesn’t mend all
Wounds. I walked through your barrio and it all felt as familiar as
A fever dream. The things you subjected me to felt miles away and
Yet omnipresent. The park. Your apartment stoop. The corner where we fought and
You spoke with your fists, the bin where you hurled all my gifts in a rage. The memories
Have not faded with time but they hurt less. I don’t live in them anymore.
3AM Thoughts // AKA “Telenovela.”